The Investigatory Powers Bill has seamlessly glided through the Houses of Commons and Lords, with Royal Assent yet to be received. Cheers, Theresa May. I thought this alone was going to pose as an individual Wikipedia into each person’s search history and interests. But it seems as though Internet habits are becoming even more tighter.

Last week it was announced that UK porn legislation was changing. Well, retroactively.

The Digital Economy Bill purports to ban anything in pornography that wouldn’t be fit for a commercially available DVD, according to a ‘four-finger rule’ which sounds quite grotesquely counterintuitive.

So what is actually banned in terms of sex acts? Well, mainly the acts that we are FINALLY as a society becoming more inclusive and talkative about:

1) Female ejaculation

It’s perfectly ok for a male to ejaculate his semen here, there, and everywhere, but when a female wants to express her prowess and the intricate power of her body, it is illegal. I won’t even listen to that old age argument that traditionally, sex is to procreate and you need semen inside a woman for that result. You could take that ridiculous precedent and apply it to something equally as ludicrous as not showing people eating if they’re not hungry ffs.

2) Menstruation

Nearly more than once a day, I will see something menstruation-related on my newsfeed and I think it’s wonderful. I sometimes think that there is an overexposure of it on the Snapchat accounts, but then again, that’s not a detriment. To ban a natural process which is required in order for a woman to bear a child is abhorrent. Even if that woman has no intention on becoming pregnant, having a period is just as natural as sh*tting. I guess we will have to embrace the times when women used dirty rags as sanitary towels next, as another #throwback to outdated, sexist customs.

3) Violent penetration

Okay, there is a major difference between rough sex and sexual violence. I won’t go into the specifics, but what is meant to be suggested in place of penetration that isn’t somewhat ‘violent’? Flimsy, flaccid, fluttery penetration? No. The word penetration says it all.

There is however, a blatant part to this Bill which I wholly agree with, which is the banning of under-18s viewing pornography. I do think that young people (both males and females) are becoming over-sexualised. Under-18s should be educated in school about the benefits and dangers of porn, as well as what sex should be in a healthy relationship, and how to practise sex safely and consensually. There is always going to be a way to get around the law, including for minors to watch porn, but if they are to, they need to know how watching it can affect them and how to watch it in moderation.

Even a spokesperson from the Department for Media, Culture and Sport stated that the focus of this legislation is not to police the Internet, but to protect children with online safeguards. Hmm well I don’t know how learning that a woman can orgasm is going to be dangerous for anyone watching. Oh, wait, probably because a female orgasm will never have its place against a male one!

I do believe that the proposed Bill is entirely archaic and needs desperate attention and modifications should it come into law, especially to suit a progressive society. Though I can’t say anything particularly momentous has been achieved since May has become our undemocratic leader.

Swings and roundabouts.

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